Masquerade
by Shaharra
Summary: Oneshot! Drabbles. L and his thoughts on the two different Raitos he sees. Complete!


AN: Drabbles. This is meant to be read more like a poem than an actual story. It is not necessarily meant to make any sense.

Warnings: Slash! Raito x L. L's real name. Spoilers. Ooc-ness. The usual.

L's POV.

Masquerade

_I cannot deny that you were designed for my punishment. (1)_

I still have the tapes from the time when you were in confinement. I still watch them, or at least one of them, every night while you sleep next to me. I fix my eyes to the screen of my laptop, and I watch as you _change_.

I watch the exact moment when your eyes glow with emotion. I watch as they go from raw, cold, calculating, to alive. They widen. They shine with unshed tears. They play confusion, shame, anger, despair across them like a movie reel.

You come alive before me, and I have never seen anything more beautiful, even with your malnourishment and greasy hair. You are beautiful when you are alive.

You change before my eyes, and I can't understand how it happens. I have nearly given up on knowing how you do it. I nearly surrender to you. Because... your eyes _beg_ and I would do anything for you when you look like that.

XoXoX

I don't like how you were before you changed. You were always smug and superior. You were a prissy brat. A spoiled child who would do anything to win this game we play.

I didn't like you, but I respected you.

Your intelligence was almost palatable. It easily equaled mine, if not surpassed it entirely. If this had all happened a few years later, rather than now when you are so young, you would have won easily.

Your intelligence is hindered by your youth.

But I still found you worthy.

Early on into the investigation, I became resigned to the fact that I would most likely lose my life to this game. I wanted to live, but you were worthy of my death. If I died by your hands, then I would accept it.

You were worthy of my death.

XoXoX

_Innocent. Guilty. Innocent. Guilty..._

Soft brown eyes fall to the chain which traps our bodies together, before drifting to my face. You don't need to say anything. I can read it all in your eyes.

_Why? Why won't you free me? Why won't you believe me?_

I never answer. You sigh in frustration, thinking that I am once again ignoring you. The truth is, I can't answer you. I do not know myself.

No, that's a lie. I don't want to release you. I fear that if I let you out of my sight... I will lose you. You will turn and once again be my enemy. The thought of losing my first friend is enough to give me nightmares.

My mind is made up. This you, this soft-spoken and warm version of you is the truth. Situations forced you to become Kira. If things had been different, you would have always been like this. Kira is a mask which was forced onto you. This is the truth.

_Innocent._

XoXoX

You smile at me and return my snippy remark with one of your own. Your eyes glow with amusement. I can tell you find me your friend, just as I find you mine. The thought makes my heart flip, even though I know that logically speaking such a feat is impossible.

My heart still flips. There is no such thing as logic when it comes to you.

XoXoX

You make me _believe._

Cold, logical Lawliet finally believes.

There must be a god. There must be angels, and there must be demons. I know this for a fact now.

This entire case is surrounded by aspects of the supernatural. It is all beyond my comprehension, and it frustrates me, but I eventually accept it. There is something otherworldly about you, and about the difference between the you from today, and the you from before your captivity.

Kira wished to be a god. He would never be that, though. No god is that cruel, malicious, or manipulative. But...

I see a god when I look at _you._ Nothing will ever be so beautiful.

XoXoX

Kira was worthy of my death.

While watching you sleep, I decided that Raito was worthy of my life. So I whisper it to you: my name, my past, my very self.

You do not stir from your sleep, and it is for the best. I am irrational. But I know that when you awaken, I will tell it all to you again. I can deny you nothing.

XoXoX

I watched as you _changed _once again.

I can tell immediately. It is so easy. Before I was Ryuzaki. Now I am L to you. Ryuzaki was your friend. L is your enemy. The difference is very clear to me. I wonder if it as clear to you?

Your mask is back on. You are once again Kira.

I can not help but wonder which is the true you? My Raito, or Kira? I hope with everything that I have that it is my Raito, but I am looking at Kira, and I am uncertain.

Which is the true mask?

The only thing that I do know is this; Raito is lost to me. I am left with Kira, and a wish for death. I know that I will never see my friend again, and I know that my wish will come true.

You will kill me. And I will let you.

XoXoX

(1) Line from Gehenna, by Slipknot.


End file.
